The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya quotes

You can't do anything about what doesn't exist. In the end, humans have to settle for what's in front of them.

I mean, think about it. If someone pointed to a classmate of yours and asked you what they meant to you, how would you answer? What would you say?

It's amazing how much you kiss your own ass.

There's something wrong with people who seek reality in fiction.

Actually... Ponytails turn me on... that ponytail you had back then, it looked so good it was criminal!

The Santa that showed up at my Kindergarden Christmas festival? I knew he was fake. And I never saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus, either. But I have to say, even as a little kid I knew better to believe in some old man who worked only one day a year.

However, as always, this girl was thinking up all sorts of nonsensical stuff. I can't help but wonder if there's a black hole inside her head, since her common sense seems to come from a different universe altogether.

If your face gets any closer, someone who isn't supposed to be in this scene is going to come over there and kick your ass!

I had a dream where I fell into a surreal world with a girl I knew, and then ended up kissing her! A dream so easy to understand that even Sigmund Freud would laugh out loud.

Afterall, the fate of the world rests on my pitching. The world sure isn't worth much these days.

*thinking* Every day, I hang out with an alien, a time traveler, and a Esper...and I'm still as sane and objective as ever. Hmm...I wonder if that makes me special or something.

The person that needs to be as far away from the H-bomb switch as possible in all of Japan, is right here.

If you're scared, you might as well just cling to my arm. Creates more of an atmosphere.

*commenting on Haruhi's naming of the SOS brigade* Haruhi's incomprehensible words settled the matter. Oh, joy. Just do whatever you want.

This feels like extortion.

...but as they say, it ain't over till the fat lady sings. I don't know which fat lady is doing the singing or where she's planning on doing her singing. But if I find out where she is, I'd like to put her out of commission for a year!

And without any buildup or fanfare, we now see Nagato Yuki. Even if she were ordinary, she sure doesn't look like a normal person and naturally, she was actually an evil magician. And an alien on top of that.

Emblem? Looks like a grumbling, drunken tapeworm to me.

*referring to Haruhi* It would appear that she views guys on the same level as potatoes.

*thinking* Normally, one would call an ambulance or ask for help from one of the nearby residents, but this particular boy decided to carry the unconscious, innocent girl... and where the hell are you taking her, bastard?

Don't use a serious tone. Don't breathe on me. Your face is too close. Freaking me out.

*to Haruhi* I'm begging you. Establish the context before you start talking.

*referring to Haruhi* She must have been born dumb.

*to Haruhi* Are you a moron?

Real GAY will not be swayed no matter how cute a girl is. Please remember this: out of a hundred men... five are GAY.

Brush my teeth and go to sleep at night. Wake up and eat breakfast in the morning. People do those everywhere. When I realized that everyone did all these things on a daily basis, everything started to feel so boring.

Time never comes back once it’s gone.

I thought that everyone in Japan had to be packed in there. So I turned to my dad and asked him,"Do you know how many people are here right now"? He said probably fifty thousand, since the stadium was full. I was only one little person in that big crowded stadium filled with people, and there were so many people there, but it was just a handful out of the entire population. Up till then, I always thought that I was, I don't know, kind of a special person. It was fun to be with my family. I had fun with my classmates. And the school that I was going to, it had just about the most interesting people anywhere. But that night, I realized it wasn't true. All the stuff we did during class that I thought was so fun and cool, was probably happening just like that in classes in other schools all over Japan. There was nothing special about my school at all.

What else would I be here for? To illegally enter the premises, of course.

Have you ever realized how insignificant your existence is on the planet?

Dreams start by believing.

Celebrating Mr. Jesus's birthday (Christmas) was fun, why don't we celebrate Buddha's and Muhammad's birthday next time?

Every school story has to have a maid character!

Kyon, I'm hot!

Remote islands are all about strange incidents, right?

A picture of you sleeping with a stupid look on your face totally oblivious to the dangers of this trip serves as a warning to future generations!

... After all, our goal each year should be to increase the NUMBER of goals we set for ourselves!

I didn't abduct her. It was voluntary arrest.

Anyone accepting defeat will be punished by running ten laps around the school, naked! And you'll have to yell "Green Martians are chasing me!" for the whole ten laps!

Kyon. The contest begins the second someone challenges you. Anything the loser says otherwise is merely an excuse.

It's time to launch the dams!

Each person has his or her own way of having fun.

Oh look at that. My tea has gone cold.

We believe that God exists. And he exists because we exist.

Let's calm down. The enemy is shooting at us.

Well, I don't think we can deny the distinct possibility that the world we are in now was freshly created, by Her, last night! In any case, it's an honor to meet you and Miss Suzumiya again. *laughing softly* Be seeing you after class!

A localized, non-corrosive amalgamation of asynchronous space is independently occurring in restricted condition mode.

Problems that cannot be solved do not exist in this world.

What is a glasses man?

I'll back off for now. Next time I won't hesitate to destroy you. Take this time to make your tombstone...

I can't take you seriously when you're dressed like that! I'm sorry, Mikuru, but I'm being controlled by the alien right now. Here goes nothing!

*mockingly* That's amazing, Mikuru! We're counting on you! The Earth is in your-- *breaks into uncontrollable and hysterical laughter*

Does it hurt? Relish the taste, because it is going to be the last sensation you feel in this life.

Kyon-kun. If I become ruined for marriage will you take me?